I've been watching How I Met Your Mother a lot lately, but in all the seven seasons that have aired, I have only one favourite from Ted's many, many, many conquests. Victoria. aka Buttercup aka the baking lady aka the lady that Ted met at the wedding in season 1, ep 12/13/14.
I will always be vouching for Victoria and Ted to end up together, and even though I know there's no possibility of that happening now, (sometime in a later season, she comes back and she's engaged), there's a tiny part of me that still hopes.
Why? Why do I invest so much hope in a fictional character finding love and a happy ending with another fictional character? Partly because I have no life of my own. But mostly, its because she's epitomises the kind of woman I'd like to be. Creative, fun, spontaneous, mysterious, baking delicious cupcakes and finding the most sweetest, purest, most romantic of loves.
Anyways the title of this post is "pushing" not "Victoria", even though it was inspired by her and Ted's storyline. We all chase this idea of happy ever after, but often we end up pushing ourselves until we reach breaking point. And something that started so sweet, and pure, like Victoria and Ted's relationship, eventually breaks down.
So how do we know? How do we know when to quit? When is the optimal time to stay in a certain place before all hell breaks loose and it all becomes irreparable? There's that saying "quit while you're ahead," but that's the trick of good things. Good things are good, and hence you want more and more of it but the more you ask for it, the more you push and the closer you get to ruining it and losing it all.
But knowing this, why don't we stop? If we know that all things will eventually go bad, why don't we stop? Because we hope. We hope things won't go bad, we hope the happiness, the joy, the success will last forever, and we hope that it'll all work out.
What are we, without hope?
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Revertigo?
I've been filling my days up with old episodes of How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) lately, because after watching One Tree Hill seasons 1-7 for the fourth time, it's time to move on.
So anyways, sometime in season 3 of HIMYM (I think), Robin (Cobie Smulders, who, by the way, i have a new appreciation for after seeing the avengers - damn, she's gorgeous!) gets a visit from an old boyfriend and she immediately turns into her old self, the version she was with him when she was sixteen. And for comedy, Lily gets a visit from a friend who also reverts back to the black-woman she pretended to be in high school - Marshall termed this revertigo.
Anyways, it got me thinking.. Are we really doomed in that way for the rest of our lives? Can we see someone we used to know from another chapter of our life and always revert back to that version of us in their presence?
For example, I had a great guy friend in high school. He was sweet and sensitive but always teased by guys for being so sensitive and overlooked by girls for his lack of being forward. Now, four years on, he's got a string of girlfriends, a regular party-goer and had gained all this confidence and even a tattoo. But when he's back with all our high school friends, especially the guys, he goes back to being that shy, sensitive teased guy he was all those years ago.
It's obvious we change and grow and mature as people as we get older. Sometimes for the worse, often for the better. But why is it that when we're out into a group of the people who knew the old you, you immediately revert back to that person?
I believe people can change. I see it in myself and in the people around me. But what happens when those people don't let you? Is it possible for my friend to be the new confident guy he is now with all the old high school mates? Is it possible when they think of him in the same way?
Change happens all the time. You can fight it or delay it, but it happens. With people, they do change too. Sometimes they hide it because certain people already think of you in a certain way and to change it or to challenge is too hard or too embarrassing or just too difficult. Change in a person changes perceptions, opinions, reputations and relationships. So maybe we revert back so we don't challenge them. But life is about growing and changing and if you can't be the new you with your old friends then either you need new friends or you risk changing everything you know.
So anyways, sometime in season 3 of HIMYM (I think), Robin (Cobie Smulders, who, by the way, i have a new appreciation for after seeing the avengers - damn, she's gorgeous!) gets a visit from an old boyfriend and she immediately turns into her old self, the version she was with him when she was sixteen. And for comedy, Lily gets a visit from a friend who also reverts back to the black-woman she pretended to be in high school - Marshall termed this revertigo.
Anyways, it got me thinking.. Are we really doomed in that way for the rest of our lives? Can we see someone we used to know from another chapter of our life and always revert back to that version of us in their presence?
For example, I had a great guy friend in high school. He was sweet and sensitive but always teased by guys for being so sensitive and overlooked by girls for his lack of being forward. Now, four years on, he's got a string of girlfriends, a regular party-goer and had gained all this confidence and even a tattoo. But when he's back with all our high school friends, especially the guys, he goes back to being that shy, sensitive teased guy he was all those years ago.
It's obvious we change and grow and mature as people as we get older. Sometimes for the worse, often for the better. But why is it that when we're out into a group of the people who knew the old you, you immediately revert back to that person?
I believe people can change. I see it in myself and in the people around me. But what happens when those people don't let you? Is it possible for my friend to be the new confident guy he is now with all the old high school mates? Is it possible when they think of him in the same way?
Change happens all the time. You can fight it or delay it, but it happens. With people, they do change too. Sometimes they hide it because certain people already think of you in a certain way and to change it or to challenge is too hard or too embarrassing or just too difficult. Change in a person changes perceptions, opinions, reputations and relationships. So maybe we revert back so we don't challenge them. But life is about growing and changing and if you can't be the new you with your old friends then either you need new friends or you risk changing everything you know.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Believing in God, the universe and karma.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about our world and how messed up it is.
To quote Brooke Davis, season 5/6 "It's official, life sucks and then you die."
Christians/Catholics (forgive me if I'm wrong) believe in a God, a man who determines and chooses how your life plays out. I have no problem with these people. I personally don't believe in God, but I fully support those who do.
In my daily life, I'll often refer to occurrences as "karma" or "fate" or even just as "a sign". But when I ask myself what I truly believe in, I don't believe in that stuff. That the universe has mysterious ways of showing us the way. That the actions we make every day come back to us in some form of payback, something that karma thinks we deserve. But when I stop believing in those things and I accept the fact that there is nothing other than us people and the world and our environment and the choices we make are purely our own and the events that occur are choices of others and we just happened to be in their path, its too hard.
The immensity and weight of this truth is too much to bear on one small person, in one small part of the world so I pass that burden on to some invisible force that I don't really believe in so that I don't have to carry that around. Which is why I never question others about their beliefs in God or nature or the invisible forces of the universe, because its just too hard to face.
To quote Brooke Davis, season 5/6 "It's official, life sucks and then you die."
Christians/Catholics (forgive me if I'm wrong) believe in a God, a man who determines and chooses how your life plays out. I have no problem with these people. I personally don't believe in God, but I fully support those who do.
In my daily life, I'll often refer to occurrences as "karma" or "fate" or even just as "a sign". But when I ask myself what I truly believe in, I don't believe in that stuff. That the universe has mysterious ways of showing us the way. That the actions we make every day come back to us in some form of payback, something that karma thinks we deserve. But when I stop believing in those things and I accept the fact that there is nothing other than us people and the world and our environment and the choices we make are purely our own and the events that occur are choices of others and we just happened to be in their path, its too hard.
The immensity and weight of this truth is too much to bear on one small person, in one small part of the world so I pass that burden on to some invisible force that I don't really believe in so that I don't have to carry that around. Which is why I never question others about their beliefs in God or nature or the invisible forces of the universe, because its just too hard to face.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Mindfulness
We learnt about this thing called "mindfulness". It's a therapeutic technique used to overcome depression but I think it's relevant to anyone who is unhappy. There's a quote or a saying that goes something like: if you live in the past, all you'll know is regret and if you live for the future, you'll always be disappointed. So live in the present.
(sidebar: I also love the quote about how if you're talking about what you did yesterday, then you haven't done enough today).
Anyways being mindful is about being in the moment, living your life right where you are and understanding and appreciating where you are in that moment. There's a little exercise you can do, where you sit and close your eyes and relax. And trying to focus on your breathing. In and out. Notice the way your chest moves and the feel of air rushing into your chest... And occasionally your mind will wander but make sure you keep bringing it back to your breathing. It's just am exercise to teach you how to start focusing on one thing rather than the millions of other things, the mistakes you made (like the pleated skirt on a windy day) or planning for your future ( hoping the wind stops by the time you and your skirt head outside).
Being mindful is also about appreciating what you have. I have been known to not only take what I have for granted but to ask for even more than I deserve. I'm trying to learn patience and to be mindful about what you have/are/doing.
I think its easy to get caught up in the things that don't matter so try to be more mindful. Try to focus on the good things you have now rather than what you have lost or what you think you deserve to gain. Happiness will not find you if you think like that.
Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.
(sidebar: I also love the quote about how if you're talking about what you did yesterday, then you haven't done enough today).
Anyways being mindful is about being in the moment, living your life right where you are and understanding and appreciating where you are in that moment. There's a little exercise you can do, where you sit and close your eyes and relax. And trying to focus on your breathing. In and out. Notice the way your chest moves and the feel of air rushing into your chest... And occasionally your mind will wander but make sure you keep bringing it back to your breathing. It's just am exercise to teach you how to start focusing on one thing rather than the millions of other things, the mistakes you made (like the pleated skirt on a windy day) or planning for your future ( hoping the wind stops by the time you and your skirt head outside).
Being mindful is also about appreciating what you have. I have been known to not only take what I have for granted but to ask for even more than I deserve. I'm trying to learn patience and to be mindful about what you have/are/doing.
I think its easy to get caught up in the things that don't matter so try to be more mindful. Try to focus on the good things you have now rather than what you have lost or what you think you deserve to gain. Happiness will not find you if you think like that.
Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.
Monday, March 19, 2012
For a reason.
I wrote a long post awhile ago which will be quite similar to this one.
This last year or so, I felt like I grew up a lot. I screwed up a lot but I learnt a lot. And for the past year, whenever people asked me about what I was studying and what I planned to do once I graduated, I tried to be very vague and nonchalant about it. Usually I'd mumble something along the lines of "just seeing how it all goes." But after a little research, a few quick discussions and a point in the right direction, I feel like I've found balance and as I realised what this meant, I felt this calm wash over me. I tried to be cool and calm about the future, trying to show everyone that I was relaxed enough to just roll with the punches, but in all honesty, I was lying to myself and trying to hide the truth from everyone else: I didn't know what to do with my life and it scared the hell out of me.
I sat outside today, waiting for class to begin and I began to think about this new career path I found. I stumbled upon it a few months ago, but after discussing it with my parents, and a very derogative put down by my dad, I decided to let it go. But recently a found a new spark of interest for it and I started to look into it again and I really feel like its the right thing for me.
I think about my life after high school. And in high school, I knew who I was, what I was good at, what I was bad at. But then uni came along and I felt confused and I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. During year 11, I had went to a mini-psych lecture at USyd, and I loved it, but I knew it wasn't a practical subject so I never did it. I chose to do Medical Science at USyd instead, because it was more practical and fairly flexible for someone who had no clue about what she wanted to do. HSC marks were released and unfortunately I didn't score enough to get into MedSci and ended up doing Bachelor of Science at USyd. I then dedicated my first year of uni to studying hard to get into MedSci, but again I didn't score enough points. At this point, I abandoned that idea and settled into studying pharmacology for the remainder of my degree. For each semester, we're required to do a certain number of subjects to fill out the hours needed to graduate. In the second semester of my second year, I needed one more subject to fill and since I failed microbiology in first year, I was missing the pre-requisite for most subjects, so I decided to do first year psych to fill up my credits. I ended up loving it, and decided to do the entire 3 year psych course within my degree. Since I did second sem first, I had to go back the next year and do first sem, which I actually ended up hating. It was boring and drawn out. But I persisted, knowing that 3rd year psych would be worth it. This was the point where I was torn, I loved psych but I was not good enough to do honours, and without honours you can't have a real career in psych. I was still doing pharmacology, still for practical purposes, but I hated it. I continued with psych and now I'm doing a mixture of 3rd year and 2nd year psych subjects. In one of my 3rd year subjects, we had a lecturer who was a counsellor and was brought in to teach us a more practical application of the things we were learning in class. I loved his stories and I loved how he was able to help out this people simply by talking to them. (As a side note: I've always been the type of person who wanted a career in helping people, and naturally being a doctor was the way to go but again low grades and a low tolerance for blood and guts kept me from doing that). So basically, I went back to researching counselling degrees, post-grad studies all of that. I made a few calls, even talked to the lecturer about it and I feel like its the right thing for me. At least for now. I'm glad I have a goal again and something to work for and to look forward to.
And now, and today, when looking back at these three years, I wished I hadn't wasted them stuck in a degree I don't want in a uni I don't like. I wish I knew four years ago what I had wanted, I could've had my job by now. But then I look back and I didn't know what I wanted when I was 18. And I needed to go through those years here, to finally know that this is where I wanted to be. I needed to fail those subjects and back me into that corner of psych, the corner that I thought was dark and useless. I've found a door in that dark corner, and its slowly lead me here. I know if I did first year psych the other way around, I wouldn't have the passion for it that I have now. I wouldn't have continued on with it and I wouldn't have been sitting in that third year lecture with the ex-counsellor lecturer with his stories and knowledge, experience and his anecdotes. And even the things in my personal life, the problems and issues I have with myself and with my relationships all pushed me to study harder and pay more attention in class, and in a way I see myself counselling because I feel like I can't help the people in my life, and most of all, I can't counsel myself. So all these things, the timing, the experience, the knowledge, my personal life and this sudden urge I had to find something more in my life and allowed me to find and accept and want this.
I didn't write this to brag how great my life is. Because I didn't, and its not. I wrote it because its important. A reminder to myself that no matter how bad things get, there's a reason for it, and its good. Just be patient. Just keep pushing and fighting and persisting. And a way of showing (hopefully) everyone else that things get better. There is a reason for why bad things happen, why I never got into the Med Sci degree, why I failed those subjects, why I got stuck doing 2nd sem psych instead of the first... Its all for a reason.
<3 S
This last year or so, I felt like I grew up a lot. I screwed up a lot but I learnt a lot. And for the past year, whenever people asked me about what I was studying and what I planned to do once I graduated, I tried to be very vague and nonchalant about it. Usually I'd mumble something along the lines of "just seeing how it all goes." But after a little research, a few quick discussions and a point in the right direction, I feel like I've found balance and as I realised what this meant, I felt this calm wash over me. I tried to be cool and calm about the future, trying to show everyone that I was relaxed enough to just roll with the punches, but in all honesty, I was lying to myself and trying to hide the truth from everyone else: I didn't know what to do with my life and it scared the hell out of me.
I sat outside today, waiting for class to begin and I began to think about this new career path I found. I stumbled upon it a few months ago, but after discussing it with my parents, and a very derogative put down by my dad, I decided to let it go. But recently a found a new spark of interest for it and I started to look into it again and I really feel like its the right thing for me.
I think about my life after high school. And in high school, I knew who I was, what I was good at, what I was bad at. But then uni came along and I felt confused and I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. During year 11, I had went to a mini-psych lecture at USyd, and I loved it, but I knew it wasn't a practical subject so I never did it. I chose to do Medical Science at USyd instead, because it was more practical and fairly flexible for someone who had no clue about what she wanted to do. HSC marks were released and unfortunately I didn't score enough to get into MedSci and ended up doing Bachelor of Science at USyd. I then dedicated my first year of uni to studying hard to get into MedSci, but again I didn't score enough points. At this point, I abandoned that idea and settled into studying pharmacology for the remainder of my degree. For each semester, we're required to do a certain number of subjects to fill out the hours needed to graduate. In the second semester of my second year, I needed one more subject to fill and since I failed microbiology in first year, I was missing the pre-requisite for most subjects, so I decided to do first year psych to fill up my credits. I ended up loving it, and decided to do the entire 3 year psych course within my degree. Since I did second sem first, I had to go back the next year and do first sem, which I actually ended up hating. It was boring and drawn out. But I persisted, knowing that 3rd year psych would be worth it. This was the point where I was torn, I loved psych but I was not good enough to do honours, and without honours you can't have a real career in psych. I was still doing pharmacology, still for practical purposes, but I hated it. I continued with psych and now I'm doing a mixture of 3rd year and 2nd year psych subjects. In one of my 3rd year subjects, we had a lecturer who was a counsellor and was brought in to teach us a more practical application of the things we were learning in class. I loved his stories and I loved how he was able to help out this people simply by talking to them. (As a side note: I've always been the type of person who wanted a career in helping people, and naturally being a doctor was the way to go but again low grades and a low tolerance for blood and guts kept me from doing that). So basically, I went back to researching counselling degrees, post-grad studies all of that. I made a few calls, even talked to the lecturer about it and I feel like its the right thing for me. At least for now. I'm glad I have a goal again and something to work for and to look forward to.
And now, and today, when looking back at these three years, I wished I hadn't wasted them stuck in a degree I don't want in a uni I don't like. I wish I knew four years ago what I had wanted, I could've had my job by now. But then I look back and I didn't know what I wanted when I was 18. And I needed to go through those years here, to finally know that this is where I wanted to be. I needed to fail those subjects and back me into that corner of psych, the corner that I thought was dark and useless. I've found a door in that dark corner, and its slowly lead me here. I know if I did first year psych the other way around, I wouldn't have the passion for it that I have now. I wouldn't have continued on with it and I wouldn't have been sitting in that third year lecture with the ex-counsellor lecturer with his stories and knowledge, experience and his anecdotes. And even the things in my personal life, the problems and issues I have with myself and with my relationships all pushed me to study harder and pay more attention in class, and in a way I see myself counselling because I feel like I can't help the people in my life, and most of all, I can't counsel myself. So all these things, the timing, the experience, the knowledge, my personal life and this sudden urge I had to find something more in my life and allowed me to find and accept and want this.
I didn't write this to brag how great my life is. Because I didn't, and its not. I wrote it because its important. A reminder to myself that no matter how bad things get, there's a reason for it, and its good. Just be patient. Just keep pushing and fighting and persisting. And a way of showing (hopefully) everyone else that things get better. There is a reason for why bad things happen, why I never got into the Med Sci degree, why I failed those subjects, why I got stuck doing 2nd sem psych instead of the first... Its all for a reason.
<3 S